Monday, March 20, 2006
My Dog, the Word Snob
I’m not sure what Annie does during the day when I’m at school. But I have a suspicion that it involves lying on our bed, which isn’t allowed. And I think she taunts the cat occasionally as well. Other than that, I haven’t a clue. Does she read the paper? Does she surf the web? Does she get Word-of-the-Day emails from Dictionary.com?
Here are just a few of the things I’ve heard her say lately.
Annie to me: Mom, I’m tired of the crapulous hangers-on that I find sprawled throughout the house on the mornings after your Karaoke and Martini parties.
Annie to Piper (the cat): Mom’s thoughts seem to wander peripatetically, probably from one blog idea to another, as we perambulate through the neighborhood together each morning.
Annie to me: Mom, I think John bought you this manse because his fortitude crumbles when it meets his uxorious nature.
(To be clear, our house is a mere 3BR-2B affair, but to Piper and Annie it IS a manse compared to our old studio apartment.)
Annie to herself: I think my parents like to fancy themselves dilettantes, what with their new season tickets to the symphony and all. I wonder if they miss me when they’re there, surrounded by the city’s social elite who no doubt consider my parents mere parvenu and hardly worthy of attention. I bet these are the same kind of people who only want purebreds. Let me at their ankles!
What will that dog say next?